My take on working mom guilt...

So, going back to work has been good for me. I really enjoy the challenges of my new job and the opportunity to be a part (a leader) in something that seems so "big!" Right now I'm primarily doing the bulk of the content work and Erica, the project specialist, is helping me with alot of the fine details like booking workshop locations and catering details. In a few more weeks my "content team" will come on board fully and we will embark on a project journey that will take us into April of next year! So, I'm pretty excited!
So far, being a mom and working isn't as challenging as I thought it would be. I just have to shift some of my priorities and the house cleaner comes once every 3 weeks for my sanity! I'm such a mom though, my desktop at work, my screen saver, and my phone screen background are all pictures of Evelyn. It's funny, when I tell someone I have a baby, I always follow it with "and here's a picture of her!" I'm so proud of my little champ. She's 3 1/2 months now and I just got the developmental survey for her 4 month checkup in the mail...so here is where the title of this blog post comes in....

I was told when Evelyn was born that I should expect her to lag behind developmentally 5 weeks (since she was 5 weeks early) or basically a month. I'm sure you remember my beginning posts on this blog where I told about the guilt I felt because she was early and wondered what I did wrong for this to happen for our family. Well, I've moved on from that, thanks to my heavenly father for pulling me through that one!

Anyways, I got the survey in the mail and I sat down excited to fill it out as I thought Evelyn's development was coming along really well! As I started to fill out the form I found that I could not answer all of the questions. If this had been a 3 month developmental survey I would have rocked it...I was home with her then and I saw everything. However, since I started back to work she gets home with Scott about 6:00, we eat dinner, she gets a bath, and I snuggle with her for a little bit, we say our prayers and read a book and then she is down for the night. So, I knew she was doing better at holding her head up because of how she holds her head when she is on my shoulder, and how she sits up when we go out to restaurants etc. However, I genually had not been doing tummy time anymore and I realized that for the 1 hour I get her on week nights she was either in my arms or in the high chair.
So, I composed myself and did not have a meltdown. This time Satan wasn't about to get the best of me! It was in that moment I realized that the weekends were to be cherished!!!! Yes, the weeknights are cherished too - in a different way - just being together! However, on the weekends I get to see her in action!
So, this weekend was great!

• Floor mat: wow! She used to hate the stuff over her head and when I would put her on the floor she would SCREAM! Now she loves it and laughs at herself in the mirror. She is also batting at the toys with her arms!
• Tummy Time: She can hold her head up for a little bit and is starting to look around
• Bouncy Thingy (Exersaucer): While she is only accidently pressing the buttons and her feet don't touch the ground yet, she does enjoy sitting in it and looking around.
• Her eyes follow us when we pass by
• When she hears our voice she looks for us
• When she wakes up and you go in her room, she smiles when you get to the crib and greet her

Anyways, so many exciting things are happening with her and I'm so thankful I'm adjusting so well to the "working mom" life! I think it's great that I have friends that get to stay home with their kiddos, but you know, everyone can't do that, so if you are a mom going back to work soon or working already, don't get down on yourself! You gotta do, what you gotta do! Cherish the moments you do have with your kids, they change so quickly!

3 Months!

Today Miss Evelyn Faye Hatfield is 3 months old!

 She spent her first day at Learn-N-Fun Home Daycare with Ms Claudia and Mr Noe who I am very confident in and thankful for! I did really good dropping her off and then I went to the gym to workout with my friend Shashawn. I was feeling great, just checking my phone pretty often and looking at the daycare facebook page. Mrs Claudia (or Lala) had already posted 2 pictures of her before 10 am, so it really helped me to know what she had been doing!
On the way home from the gym I had a minor meltdown. I realized that I was going home and my little girl would not be there for me to pick up. For the past 2 1/2 months every time I went somewhere, when I came home she was there...this time she wasn't going to be. I texted Scott and he called me and reassured me that she was having a great time and meeting lots of new friends. Once again, my wonderful husband always knows what to say to help me recover from my moments!

When I went to pick her up this afternoon I was so excited! I could feel my heart beating. When I walked in she was almost asleep but when she heard my voice her eyes popped open wide! Lala went to pick her up and it was so sweet, Evelyn smiled a huge grin! I couldn't wait to kiss those chubby cheeks! As we walked to the car I held her so tight and gave her so many kisses!

On the way home we stopped at Walmart to get sun shades for Scott's car and all through Walmart she smiled and talked to me. It was like she was telling me about her day! I can't wait to hear about her day again tomorrow!

When we got home I made Scott dinner and sat down at the table. I picked her up and kissed her forhead and I started crying. It's the craziest thing. How could I possibly be crying again? She is safe, happy, healthy, and in great care! I just missed her so much though. Scott asked me if I was ready to be a stay at home mom...I said YES! practically before he finished saying the words! I actually would like to work from home a few days a week...but I would still have to work at something! I couldn't stay home everyday and play wife/mom forever!

She started getting fussy so I decided to officially start our bedtime routine tonight. Bath, lotion, story and bottle. Then, I rocked her a little and sang Jesus Loves Me, Jesus Loves the Little Children, and Amazing Grace. She was almost asleep so I laid her in her bed and she is out. 8:10 pm. Once again I found myself with tears in my eyes. On a typical weekday I'll see her from 6:00am -6:30am and from 6:00pm-8:00pm. So, I guess I'll have to push through this feeling like I've made it through every other obstacle in my life. I just have to remember God is in control and he has a plan for our family. I may have to miss my daughter a little for what he has in store for our future!

Here is some information on her development:

• I am eating 3 1/2 - 4 oz every 3-4 hours (except for last night when I drank 7 oz between 5:45 pm and 7:45 pm...that was crazy!) and guzzling the bottle of pumped milk like a champ!
• I'm holding my head pretty steady and I would much rather sit up and see what is going on than lay back in someone's arms.
• I'm practicing sitting un my Bumbo and in my bouncer (but my feet don't touch the ground yet)
• I cry when I'm hungry or need a little "snack" (1/2 oz a couple of times a day).
• I also cry when I'm sleepy, but swaddle me up and I'm a happy girl!
• I love bath time
• I'm starting to smile when I see a bottle, when I wake up in the morning, and when my mommy and daddy talk to me
• I think something clicked since I'm 3 months old. Last night I went to bed at 8:30 and got up at 5. I've never slept that long!
• I would rather sleep on my stomach, but it makes my mom nervous so she tries not to put me that way.

Here is our 1 month to 3 month comparison picture!

So my new mom tip from today's experience is...send your child to daycare before the first day you go back to work so you can have some time to adjust. However, don't plan to sit at home and do nothing go out and get your hair done, have lunch with friends and plan projects to work on. The time will pass and you will be thankful for the free time and for the adjustment time before your job starts!

I'm really excited about my new, very unexpected adventure at SMU as an Elementary Assessment Coordinator for the Research in Mathematics Unit! I start work on Monday! I am really excited about the opportunity!


Scott and I are also going to enjoy a date night on Friday night while my sister watches Evelyn and I am super excited! I realized this week that this will only be our 2nd time out alone since she has been born. I'm going to start scheduling date nights more often as I know we still need time alone together! In fact, my sweet sister in law, Rhonda and I have decided that we are going to trade date nights once a month! I'll watch her boys so her and Tommy can go out, and she will watch Evelyn so we can go out! That's what family is for! Looking out for each other!!!

Thanks for listening to me babble about my day today!

Everything is changing...

Everything is changing:

• We got a new car due to the hail damage
• I start a new job in 1 week
• Evelyn starts daycare Thursday
• Evelyn is growing to fast and making leaps and bounds developmentally. Here's some more detail...

Well, this Thursday will be Evelyn's 3 month birthday and she will start going to daycare too! I keep telling myself it will all be ok. I know she is in great care, but this week she has been so full of changes I don't want to miss a moment!

She has been holding her head up fairly well, but on Friday it was like she took a super baby pill! She started sitting up for 2-3 minutes at a time. She also held the "frog position" for about 30 seconds and then she would fall over. It was so cute!

In addition she is really starting to "coo," make lots of sweet noises, and smile a lot more! It's so much fun. I'm very thankful that Claudia and Noe at Learn N Fun Home Daycare take tons of pictures and shoot videos so I can see her milestones I'll probably miss while I'm working.

As many of you know "I'm a workaholic!" Well I'm not anymore. While I've been doing some work from home, I have been enjoying having 3 months with Evelyn. She will most likely be our only child that gets me home for 3 months straight! I'm excited about my new adventure working at SMU as an Elementary Assessment Coordinator for the Reseach in Mathematics Education Unit. It's about 5 miles from my house and the benefits are amazing! I can get my doctorate for FREE, Scott can get an amazing discount for his Master's, and Evelyn will have the opportunity to become an SMU Mustang if I continue to work at the university for many years to come! There are also so many other benefits, it would take alot to describe!

I'll admit being a mom has had it's rough moments:

• Crying for 2 hours at night for about 3 weeks ~ not anymore ~ Dr. Karp's 5 S's have saved our life! I have a happy baby and many have told me a great baby. I can only imagine what our next one will be like since she has been so wonderful.
• I officially haven't had a full nights sleep in 3 months and I'm hoping that will be coming to an end soon! She hasn't been taking a bottle in the middle of the night anymore, but she still wakes up a couple of times between 2 and 5.
• Everything piles up. There are some days I just want to enjoy her and I do nothing but that. Laundry piles up, groceries don't get bought, and naps get taken together.
• It's been quite the transition for Scott and I. He has been amazing through my tears, fears, and gripes. We are learning together what it takes to still be us with our additional little one. It's work, but it's allworth it! I'll admit, I wouldn't mind to have some alone time together. A full day date and a full night's sleep would be so refreshing!
• Sometimes I don't know what to do when she cries, but I figure it out....eventually
• I dispise clipping nails. I clipped her skin 2 times the other night. Evelyn cried like she had been given a shot...so I cried with her!
• The swing is one of the only things she likes to be alone in...learned today from friends on facebook...IT'S OK!

I'm so thankful Evelyn has been in great health since we came home! I dread the first time she gets sick, I know it will make my heart hurt!

I'll post her 3 month pics and stats after Thursday when we take them!