Leader of the Family

It's been a while since I've posted. After our move to "intermediate care" on Monday the 16th and being told she would go home in a few days (the 18th-19th)  and then it not happening I've struggled with what to write about. Evelyn is such a fighter and we are so proud of the progress she has made. To go from 2.0L of oxygen at 55% to 0.1L of oxygen at 21%-30% in her first 5 days of life is a total God thing! She is maintaining this amount of oxygen still, a little over a week later. I'm learning:

"knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.
But let patience have its perfect work,
that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing."

James 1:3-4

I've gone through a roller coaster of emotions and Satan has really tried hard to get the best of me. Saturday the 21st was a rough day. My mom left on Friday the 20th and I was overwhelmed with emotions that Evelyn wasn't coming home and I would be alone starting Monday. How would I get to the hospital? I'm very independent and depending on people is not one of my better traits. So having my mom here made me feel very comfortable and confident!


Friday morning April 20th
Before my mom left to go to the airport.

I contacted my Sunday School group. We are so blessed to have so many couples that love Scott and I so much and help us when we are in need. Donna (our teacher's wife) took me Friday afternoon, Kattie took me to run a few arrends on Sunday and to see Evelyn, Faith took me Monday morning, and Sarah took me to run arrends and to the hospital Monday afternoon. A true blessing, especially Monday. I didn't want to be alone so I was very thankful to have friends around me!

On Friday night, Scott suggested I take the dart. It would pick me up 3 houses down from us and drop me off right in front of the hospital. What a perfect idea!!! I could be independent and go when I wanted to go! So, I looked up the bus schedule and was prepared to go at 11 am on Saturday morning while Scott was at Men's breakfast with our SS group. I was so nervous about catching the bus but I didn't tell anyone. Dart has been in the news repeatedly for negative events the past few months. I just kept looking at the picture above (my screen saver on my phone) and telling myself it was worth it. I patiently waited and still had an uneasy feeling about going...well the bus was on the other side of the rode and I couldn't get to it. I was so upset because I really wanted to see Evelyn, but I was also a little relieved because I will admit I was pretty scared.

Scott came home and I immediately started crying...He always does an amazing job of comforting me, letting me cry, and asking me to tell him what is wrong. So I did! I told him how scared I was, how much I missed Evelyn, and how badly I wanted her to come home. He offered to take the bus with me for the 2 o'clock feeding and that made me feel so much better! What a great idea! So, we went together and all my fears were alliviated. Then, that afternoon we went driving around town looking at old homes and enjoying the fresh air. It was so nice to get out of the house and spend time together having an adult conversation! I took the bus on my own at 7:30 and he picked me up after I fed her since it was dark. I felt much better about riding the bus! I'm so thankful for my sensitive husband who listens to me and can sense my needs! He's an amazing leader!

What I didn't tell him was that Satan was really attacking me about why she was still in the NICU. He was working on me by telling me that I didn't take my prenatal vitamins everyday and that is why things had turned out this way. I must have cried at least 5 times during the day on Friday, but I never told Scott (and still haven't ~ so he's probably learning this by reading) about what I was battling. My dad called Saturday afternoon and I cried on the phone. He told me it was ok and also told me I needed to let the guilt go. How did he know? He also told me to use this time to grow in my relationship with Christ and allow him to work in me. Thank you Lord, for giving my dad the words to say when I need them! I still didn't tell my dad what guilt I was feeling, but after I hung up I remembered that while he doesn't reply to texts, he does receive them. So, I text him and told him the guilt that I was feeling. After that, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I also told my doctor and he reassured me that was not the reason why this happened.

I decided it was important to go to Sunday School and church the next morning and wait to see Evelyn after church, even though Satan was also attacking me about not keeping on my hospital visit schedule that I had been doing all week. The verse at church was truly what I needed!

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand,
that he may lift you up in due time.
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."

1 Peter 5:6-7

I'm so thankful that I listened to my intuition again, as I'm learning a lot about how I just have a "feeling" sometimes and I need to follow it. I'm also learning that it's ok to lean on others and not be so independent.

To my amazing husband: thank you for being my rock and being the strong one through this experience. Your leadership, encouragement, and constant love are more than I could ever ask for. I'm so thankful God paired us together and gave us our beautiful little girl, even though it wasn't in our "2 year plan!" God has a way of blessing us in ways we don't plan for!

Every little girl needs a dad to snuggle upto!
I'm so thankful Evelyn has you!


To my blog readers, I need a good devotion book that will keep me engaged and help me to grow stronger in my relationship with Christ. Any recommendations?