A Mother's Intuition

Wednesday was a whirl wind, so many wonderful friends and family came to visit us and it felt really awkward being in a room a football field away from my daughter. My sister in law, Rhonda, brought me a 8 1/2 x 11 picture of Evelyn to hang below my board. It's actually the picture from my "Amazing Grace" post. All day I stayed in bed waiting to get complete feeling back from the epideral. Finally, we went to see Evelyn and I held her but other than that I didn't really know what I was suppose to be doing to help other than pump my "liquid gold," which she was not yet receiving. She was just on IV fluids for the time being.

After the epideral feeling wore off, I felt great and wasn't in much pain at all so I told Scott I would be fine and to just stay home and sleep when he let the dogs out. So around 10pm he said good night and promised to have his phone on.

About 1:30 am I woke up thinking about Evelyn and wanting to see her. So, I pumped and decided to wheel myself down to the NICU and deliver my "liquid gold", wondering what they did in the middle of the night in that special room a football field away from me.

Much to my surprise, the wheel chair was fancy and you can't wheel yourself because it doesn't have big wheels on the sides. Determined to go, I walked the football field length hallway and scrubbed my arms down to see Miss Evelyn.

I was greeted by a sweet nurse. She told me that Evelyn's oxygen support had been raised from 30% to 50% and talked to me about her fast paced breathing. (I don't know anything about the medical world, but mathematically this was almost double the support in my mind!) I was in shock, felt hopeless, I had no idea what to do to help and quite honestly, it took my breath away. So, I asked for a chair and sat quietly next to her holding her finger. Then, I lost it. I tried to hold back the tears, but it was impossible. In my brain I said be strong for her and don't let her sense that your upset. Quickly, I decided I needed to leave for her sake. So, I snuck out without letting the nurse see the tears flowing down my face. Slowly, I walked back down that long football field hallway with tears streaming down my face. When I reached my room, I fell into my bed and let the tears really flow. I wasn't in pain physically, but my heart ached. I sent a text message to my mom and my husband "Evelyn's oxegen support has been raised from 30% to 50%, I'm so anxious." Who was I kidding, I wasn't anxious I was a wreck!

My mom text me back and I told her I couldn't talk on the phone because I was too emotional, so we text back and forth for about 30 minutes and I felt a little better. In the mean time, Scott also text and told me he was headed back to the hospital.

When he got to the room, the emotions started all over again. Scott has been the best support system and this experience has truly strengthened our relationship. He has been an amazing leader, spiritually, emotionally, and physically through this whole experience. I can't imagine any other man that would do what he has done to support me!

I called this post "A Mother's Intuition" because I found it absolutely amazing that I could be a football field away from my 5 lb daughter and get the feeling that I needed to go see her at 1:30 in the morning! It totally blows my mind that I could feel something wrong.

Remember, I'm trying to catch up on posts, so Evelyn is doing much better, but I really want to document the whole story!!!